5 ways to Move Forward in Life

Many of us have endured major wounds to our emotions, mental health and spirituality. Sometimes it causes us to maintain grudges. Most of us know this is very unhealthy, and at times we may want to do something about it, however we do not know how. Here are some tips on how we can move forward and live to our fullest potential.

Stop waiting for an apology

As we are waiting for someone to apologize for an egregious act perpetrated against us, real or imagined, we give power to the other person, and they get to set the timeline for our emotional well-being. Make it your decision to release yourself from this burden.

Check-in with your feelings

Sit quietly, breathe deeply, and then get honest about what is really going on inside of you. Identify your feelings. Am I angry (“I can’t believe they treated me that way!”), sad, disappointed, depressed? When we name our feelings, research has shown it calms the amygdala (the emotional hub of the brain), and helps to engage the pre-frontal cortex (the brain's thinking center), allowing for a better ability to see and evaluate a situation accurately and objectively.

Step back

When someone hurts us it is tempting to lash out and reflexively hurt them back. We may also try to make them out to be villains. People are rarely all good or all bad. Remember a time when that person was actually kind to you. Maybe your friend was not at your father’s funeral, but she was the first one there with an encouraging word when you were in the hospital recovering after a risky surgery. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Empathy will go a long way towards altering your view.

Change the narrative

There are the facts of what happened, and then there is the story we tell ourselves about what happened. In your story, strive to be the hero, not the victim. After a contested divorce instead of saying “He broke my heart in a million pieces,” try: “The divorce revealed how strong I am and how I was able to open the door for authentic love.” As you recall your story, remember the courage you have developed and the lessons you have learned. In time you may even feel gratefulness.

Put pen to paper

Write a letter to the person you have an issue with. You never have to mail it. In order to forgive someone it is not necessary to go up to them and say “I forgive you." At times it will be impossible to contact the person you have a grievance with. Or it may even be unsafe for you to do so. Once you realize that the way in which you react is up to you, you can put it behind you. According to Charles Swindoll: “Life is 10% what happens, 90% how we react to it.”

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