Adult Children of Alcoholics: Family Roles
Back in 1982 I had the extreme pleasure of meeting Claudia Black as she was in New Orleans presenting a workshop on Adult Children of Alcoholics. I was the Substance Abuse Coordinator for the Naval Air Station, New Orleans, at the time, and attended the workshop in order to learn anything I could to help the addicts I was assisting and provide education and awareness to their families.
This workshop had a profound impact on how I began to develop as an Addictions Professional and served as foundational motivation for my becoming a fully Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor. What I didn’t know was that the information being presented by Claudia Black would stand the test of time and be instrumental in establishing evidenced based practices (EBP) for the treatment of chemically dependent clients/patients and their families. The roles presented below are a direct result of the seminar I attended and are reflective of Claudia Black’s life-long work as a proponent and champion of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA).
Role #1-The Addict/Alcoholic
This individual lives in a constant state of chaos. Alcohol becomes the primary way to cope with problems, difficult feelings, and in turn they will stop at nothing to supply this need. As a result, they burn bridges, lie, and manipulate those around them. They isolate and angrily blame others for their problems. It comes as no surprise then, that their actions create negative effects for the entire family; he or she cannot seem to focus on anything else accept “when or where I am going to get my next drink.”
Roles #2-The Enabler
Deny, deny, deny---this is the enabler’s M.O. The goal is to smooth things over within the family. In order to “protect’ the family, enablers convince themselves that alcohol isn’t a problem and, in order to make light of a serious situation, they make excuses for their loved ones behavior. While the enabler is often a spouse, the role can be taken on by a child.
Role #3-The Hero
The family hero is your typical type A personality: a hard-working, overachieving perfectionist. Through his or her own achievements, the hero tries to bring the family together to try to establish some form of normalcy. This role is frequently taken on by the oldest child, as they seek to give hope to the rest of the family. Unfortunately, a driving need to “do everything right” tends to put an extreme amount of pressure on them as the “hero”, leaving them highly anxious and susceptible to stress-related illnesses later in life.
Role #4-The Scapegoat
The scapegoat is just what you would expect: the one person that gets blamed for the whole family’s problems. This tends to be taken on by the second oldest child; he or she offers the family a sense of purpose by providing someone to blame. They voice the family’s collective anger, while shielding the addicted parent from a lot of blame and resentment. When scapegoats get older, males tend to act out in violence, while females often run away or participate in promiscuous sex.
Role #5-The Mascot
Think of the mascot as the class clown, always trying to deflect the stress of the situation by supplying humor. This role is usually taken on by the youngest child; they are fragile, vulnerable, and desperate for the approval of others. Providing comic relief is also the mascot’s defense against feeling pain and fear themselves. Mascots often grow up to self-medicate with alcohol, perpetuating the cycle of addiction.
Role #6-The Lost Child
The lost child is usually taken on by the middle or youngest child. They are shy, withdrawn, and sometimes thought of as being “invisible” to the rest of the family. They don’t seek (or get) a lot of attention from other family members, especially when alcoholism is present within the family. Lost children put off making decisions, have trouble with forming intimate relationships, and choose to spend time on solitary activities as a way to cope.
These roles are often referred to as “dysfunctional” family roles. That phrase has been attributed to John Bradshaw who first used “dysfunction” or “dysfunctional families” and “toxic relationships” or “toxicity” in his work. As I have been looking at families whose members do take on these identifiable roles, I have come to this realization over the years. The roles taken on by family members in a family that is “dysfunctional” because one or both parents are an alcoholic or addict does not necessarily make them dysfunctional. The roles they assume do in fact “function” for them, as it allows them to survive in a family that lacks communication, intimacy, and unity. So instead, I use the term “maladaptive behaviors”, which I believe is better suited and more descriptive of what is happening and how family members adapt to living in a family unit where one or both parents are chemically dependent.